The Rapids

Sometimes life is slow like a gently flowing stream. Then out of nowhere, the stream turns into a mighty river with class five rapids. I've been white-water rafting, and OH MY is it fun. But scary. But fun. And exhausting. The hardest parts as the nonprofessional is not knowing when the rapids are going to give you a break and trusting that your guide knows what he's doing. So you sit back, row when he says row, stop when he says stop and just enjoy each crazy moment. And sometimes you scream at the top of your lungs out of equal parts fear and excitement.

That's where we are. In the middle of the rapids. We've spent two and half years in the gently flowing river as we have waited for God's direction with P's job. Then all of a sudden, there was an interview and an offer. The rafting ride started getting a little more exciting.

He starts on Tuesday. And if all goes well the first month or two, he's willing to commit to being there for a few years. Then the next change... new car. He'll be in sales and out on his route all day, so sharing a car is no longer feasible. Then the next change... a new house. One with three bedrooms because we can't fit more kids in a two bedroom. Which brings us to the next change... the adoption process starts again. This time, we'll jump in full-force. I've been patiently looking forward to this process for the past year, and I am so excited for it to start. But whoa is it an overwhelming process. Hours of paperwork, agencies to select, countries to narrow down, more paperwork, classes, books, waiting and more waiting. That's just the beginning. Then we dive into life as the parents of four kids.

Looking at all of these changes is...well...overwhelming. Super exciting but amazingly overwhelming. Luckily, even though I can't see the next rapid, I trust that our Guide knows what's coming. And He's capable of leading us through the rapids. So, we go when He says go. We stop when He says stop. And we try our best to enjoy every crazy moment. And sometimes we'll scream out of equal parts fear and excitement.

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted. I have to admit I am in survival mode right now. The boys aren't sleeping, and the time change sure didn't help. C and I have been up since 5 am... which feels like 4 am our body time. Ugh! It's hard to function with so little sleep, so just the basics are getting done... and those are barely getting done.

On top of that, I have committed to too many things. Not bad things, and not huge things, but each small commitment takes an hour or so a week. Those hours add up when I only have one quiet hour during the day. Plus the lack of sleep is causing A to be extremely needy. He's pretty needy anyway, but this is just kicking his neediness up to a whole new level. I can't be out of the room for 30 seconds before I'm being paged. He's a little shadow following me around and asking questions that he knows the answer to just to hear his own voice. So draining.

In the midst of all of this, I'm praying for the right perspective. I know that the day will come not too long from now that A will choose his friends over me and my opinion won't be on his priority list. So I'm trying to cherish these days. Trying.

A sweet friend reminded me the other day that everyone has bad weeks at work. It's the same for stay-at-home moms. Some weeks are just harder than others. But this too shall pass.

So there you have it... a quick post while the boys finish up their pbj's. I have so much more to blog about, but that's it for now. And I fully intend to nap this afternoon so the blog will have to wait for another day.

A Joyful Noise

I love my kids. I know... I'm a mom. That's my job. But, it's true.

We were in the car yesterday and I turned the radio on. C immediately told me to turn it off because he didn't like "the people singing at him." So, we decided to sing instead. I couldn't help but laugh out loud as I envisioned the scene in heaven as all three of us belted out "Our God is Greater" by Chris Tomlin. The sweet little 2-year-old and 4-year-old voices in the back were LOUD and not exactly hitting the right notes, but I know that God was smiling down on them like a proud Papa. They were praising Him with every ounce of their beings, and it was precious to witness. In Psalm 100, God calls us to "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord." That was definitely what was going on in the car. Pure, unadulterated, no-holds-barred praise.