Creativity

My kids are so much fun lately. Their imaginations are amazing, and the stories they are telling me crack me up all day long! Here are a few examples:

 C - "This is mommy, daddy, a and c and cousin k. They are praying with each other."

 In case you can't tell, it's a zamboni. It was cleaning the ice before the skaters could go back out.

 Helping daddy till for the garden. Notice that gloves and hard hats are a must.

Legos...again. The stories they come up with these legos are so funny. According to C, this Lego guy is "getting married. Because it's a girl. And that's what girls do!" 

The other side

The last post was the logistics of adoption. Here's the other side. Somedays I think we're crazy. Seriously. We're voluntarily walking into a situation where we will end up with 4 kids ages 5 and under. Who does that?! Somedays I watch my boys play with each other, I see the sweet way they are such good friends and I wonder why we are choosing to add chaos into a situation that is finally seeming peaceful.

BUT... there is another side.

Every mom has this built-in "momma bear" instinct to protect her cubs at any cost. It's almost instantaneous at birth, if not before. I remember being pregnant with A and holding my breath as I walked past an idling car for fear that those poisonous gases would injure my unborn baby's lungs.

So right now I'm kind of in that pregnant stage (thankfully without the morning sickness!). We have four kids. Two little blonde ones that I can see and hear and hug and care for. And two others, probably with jet black hair, that are just as real. They're my babies, too. And that "mother bear" instinct is in full gear.

Yesterday, I spent most of the day longing for my babies. Nearly in tears, missing my kids so much. You see, my other two kids are alive. Right now. In another country somewhere, probably experiencing a whole lot of snow! Are they warm enough? Are they well-fed? Did someone get them shoes that will keep those sweet piggies from freezing in the snow? Will someone take them sledding and teach them how to build a snowman? Are they safe? Do they know they are loved? Do they know that their mommy's coming to get them? Soon?

The sad reality of adoption is that in order for these kids to join our family, they have had to undergo unbelievable loss. I was at a funeral today for a friend who lost his father. He's in his 30s, and I feel like he is so young to have to deal with losing a parent. But my sweet kids had to deal with losing TWO parents already, and they aren't even 5 years old. My heart breaks for them. And yet I'm so far away that I can't do anything to help heal those wounds or comfort their hearts.

So... there's the reality. When you ask how the adoption is going and I say "Fine... we're just waiting," know that waiting is so, so hard. SO hard.

So why do it? Why walk into this situation where we are inviting chaos and hurt to enter our lives? Because isn't that what our sweet God did for us? He left comfort and peace and chose to enter into a world of chaos and hurt, and he did it for ME. He came trekking through this broken world in search of his missing kid, the one that was part of his family but separated by too great of a gap. And when He found me... oh the rejoicing! His precious child that He loved beyond words long before I knew that I even had a Daddy searching for me. He called me His precious daughter and invited me into His family. And He's making my heart more like His and calling me to become more like Him every day.

So we continue going where He's called. We press on when it's hard. And we trust that He is good and that He is in the business of making all things new. He makes beautiful things out of dust. He can redeem even the pain that has already hurt my kids. And He can use the pain of waiting to grow and change my heart. But oh the rejoicing when those kiddos make it home!

The Adoption Process

I haven't blogged too much about the adoption process yet. Not sure why because it's pretty much always on my mind. But I realized that someday I'll forget all of these details, too, and I want to be able to tell our kids the story of how God caused us to fall so in love with two kids halfway around the world that we knew they belonged in our family.

So here's where we stand so far. We're adopting from a country in Eastern Europe. It seems so random. It wasn't a country anywhere close to our radar. In fact, I had to look it up on a map to see where it was. How did we end up committing to a country we know almost nothing about? We came into this adoption process with very little direction. We just knew we wanted two more kids in our family, and we knew there were 147 million kids in need of a family. Seemed like a match. I thought being so open to whatever would make the process easier, but it was the exact opposite. There are SO many countries to choose from and each one has their own requirements. Then only certain agencies work in certain countries, and those agencies have their own requirements on top of what the countries specify. It was overwhelming to say the least.

So we finally decided that we needed to choose an agency first. With so much fraud and uncertainty in the adoption world, we felt like it was in our best interest to choose an agency with a good reputation. I asked friends and researched the most stable, honest agencies and called each one to explain our situation and what we were looking to do. We want to adopt a sibling group because they are often not adopted or separated. We also want to specify A as our oldest child, but other than that, we don't care about ages. Most agencies would only let us adopt a year younger than C, so we would have to specify a sibling group 2 and under. Since many times kids from other countries don't come home until they are closer to 9 mo or a year, we'd need a one year old and a two year old. Seemed pretty specific, and I felt like that would just cause our wait time to be even longer. So, we had quickly narrowed it down to two agencies. Since agencies are only licensed to work in certain countries, we only had a handful of countries to choose from. We quickly narrowed down that list by eliminating countries like Haiti that we don't qualify for, countries like Nicaragua that require a 3 month stay in country, and countries like Western Samoa that are new pilot programs so likely unpredictable and constantly changing. We were left with 2.

One option has a crazy need for adoption. The civil war that has been ravaging that country for a long time has left parent-less kids wandering the streets and piled on cement floors in orphanages because there is just not enough room to care for them all. It is a VERY dangerous country, and currently, we would not be allowed to travel to get our kids. We would pay someone from the agency to escort our kids to the US. However, the government is in the process of changing that law and will soon require travel. We really felt like traveling to such a dangerous place when we have two children her in the US seemed like a very irresponsible choice. So... after having no clue where we would adopt from, we very quickly narrowed it down to the other choice.

Since then, we have completed our homestudy paperwork. This includes a TON of documentation about our family. Everything from copies of birth certificates  and financial reports to a fire inspection of our house was included in that packet. We even had  a 4-page packet of questions to answer such as "describe your childhood" and "what are some of your strengths and weaknesses?" It was intense. Now that that is all completed, we are waiting for the agency to check it over and schedule home visits with our social worker.

After the home visits and a few more forms for us to fill out, we submit all of that to the country which basically holds our spot in line. The current wait from when our paperwork reaches the country is about 6 - 18 months. They are optimistic that a sibling group would be on the shorter side of that wait. So, best case scenario, we could get a referral in the fall. Worst case scenario, we might not get our referral until next summer.

That's where we stand. I'll try to update when there is information to share. As of right now, we are just waiting to schedule the home visits. Waiting. That's the key word in the adoption process. We will be doing a lot of that over the next several months. Sometimes we'll be waiting patiently. Othertimes, probably not so patiently. But we'll keep waiting until it's our turn to travel to meet our kids and bring them home to our family.

Da' Bearz

My kids are known for their random knowledge. They must get it from their daddy who knows EVERYTHING. Seriously...everything. My kids know every truck their is and more dinosaur names than most adults (can you identify a papsauralophus or a michelinasaurus?!). They know the city of every professional football team. Whenever we walk into the bank, the bank manager starts quizzing my kids by naming a city and waiting for them to name the NFL team. They can't be stumped. Even C, who just turned three. It's pretty crazy.

But the piece of knowledge they know that I deem "Most Random" is.... (drumroll).... the Chicago Bears fight song. I don't even remember how it started, but they insisted on figuring out the words to the Bears' fight song. (Yes, I know we don't live in Chicago, and we don't really root for the Bears.) So we youtube-d it. Now, we'll be walking in the grocery store or playing at the park and one of the boys will feel so full of Bears pride that he will start into the song as loud as possible.

"Bear down, Chicago Bears!
Make every play clear the way to victory.
Bear down, Chicago Bears!
Put up a fight with a might so fearlessly.
We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation with your T-formation.
Bear down, Chicago Bears!
And let them know why you're wearing the crown!
You're the pride and joy of Illinois, Chicago Bears! Bear down!"

Next time you see them, ask them to sing it for you. It's pretty cute. And, just to put in my two sense, the Bears do have the best fight song. We youtube-d a few other teams' songs that they wanted to hear, and most of them were pretty bad.

Kids' Words

One of the things I love most about kids is how they say whatever is on their mind. There's no filter. Oh, the things they say! Their words can be funny:

Sitting down to dinner tonight, P put the bowls of chili in front of the boys, and they each lit up saying, "oh! Oh! OH!" like it was a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

Their words can be endearing and wise beyond their years:

C- "Mom, do you know how we can be like Jesus?"
Me- "How?"
C- "Helping you to believe in Jesus."
(not a bad answer for a three-year-old)

And their words can be stumping:

Out of nowhere, in the car last week, A said, "Mom... you know when we have more kids in our family? What color will they be? Do you think that they can have white skin like we do?" We ended up having a great conversation about how God paints with lots of different colors and how boring the world would be if it was only one color. We talked about how the way people look doesn't make any difference in their personalities, and we even hit on how the four of us have different eye color and hair color and that those things don't matter. But here I am a week later wondering where on Earth that question came from? What was working in his little mind that made him ask for siblings that have the same skin color as us? I didn't know it had even crossed his mind that they might NOT be the same color? Oh, how I would pay money to get a glimpse into his little mind to see how it works.

Not so Terrible Twos

I think I might have posted something about this when A was this age, but I'm amazed again this time around.

The twos get a bad rap. They are dubbed "terrible twos" and as a first-time mom, I feared A's second bday expecting this overnight horror child. Maybe I'm the only mom that thinks this, but the twos weren't so bad. I actually liked the twos. They are learning so much. Language is growing exponentially and the words that come out of their mouth make me laugh so much.

Then, they turn three. As a mom, I breathe a sigh of relief that we've missed this horrible stage completely. But oh, the threes. My sweet little boy morphed overnight into a completely self-confident, independent kid, which would be great if he wasn't THREE. My little C now questions EVERYTHING I say, challenges EVERYTHING I ask him to do. I feel like I battle all day. One example.... for lunch, I made C a sandwich. PBH (Peanut Butter and Honey...what's not to like about that?). He's been a little picky lately, so I asked him if he would like me to take the crust off for him. His answer...

C-No.
So I bring him his plate.
C-No... no crust please.
He threw in the please, so I humor him and start taking off the crust.
C-(now getting more angry) NO! I want my crust! Put it back on! I want my crust!
I'm not one for much drama, so I put the crust on the plate, and move on to making my sandwich.
C-(now screaming) I don't want crust on my plate! I don't like crust! No crust!

Seriously! There is an internal need for three-year-olds to battle, and it is oh, so wearing on their mommas. We're not even one month into the "Trying Threes" and I'm wondering when this stage will end.

So what's a momma supposed to do? Breathe. Deep breaths. Pray for strength and wisdom. And pick the battles that are worth fighting. And realize that with everything, this is a stage. My sweet C will return someday... soon, I hope.

Randomness

Yesterday it was 40 degrees... maybe warmer. If the ground wasn't so wet, I was going to take the boys for a scooter ride/walk around the neighborhood. Today. It's 20 degrees and the snowflakes are still slowly fluttering to the ground. I know I shouldn't complain. It is January, so 20 degrees is normal and expected. But to go from 40 to 20 over night is a little... shocking. So, "hello winter. I guess you finally decided to show up."

It's one of those days when I can not believe how slowly the clock is ticking. We have nothing planned. Nothing. So, I wanted to remind myself of a few things that I love:

-One of C's most used words is "cu-cuz" for because. Oh I love how sweet it sounds!

-When A is in a super sweet mood, he still calls me "momma". Melt my heart.

-I made hot chocolate the other day thinking it would be a fun treat. A's reaction "Mom, you don't make hot chocolate very good. Miss Kelly makes it better. That's cuz she makes it on the stove and you put it in the microwave. Maybe next time you should try it on the stove instead. Can I have warm vanilla instead?" Warm vanilla is basically just heated up milk. Yep... he turned down hot chocolate for warm milk. Wasn't hard for me to say "yes" to that one.

-My sweet, sweet friend M came over the other night for a glass of wine after the kids went down. We hadn't seen each other in awhile with the holidays, and it was so good to catch up. Two hours FLEW by. I couldn't believe how fast it went. After she left, I still had a whole list of things I wanted to ask her about. I love having the kind of friends that you could hang with for hours and love every minute.

-Gak. My kids are downstairs playing with Gak. It's a mixture of cornstarch and water. A weird half-solid-half-liquid kind of mixture. It's keeping them entertained long enough for me to take a short break. Love it.